Some Serious Business.

This post is going to be weird. Deal. But I just recently read an article about blogging…you know, because I’m a newly avid member of the ‘blogosphere’ and all, and it’s my duty to keep up with blog trends…Well, it told me that I should be writing my feelings and releasing my ever-so-intellectual opinion to the world.  So here goes: my opinion on today’s holiday, Valentine’s Day.

To say I loathe the holiday would be entirely false. Now, I don’t love it…but I don’t hate it. It’s probably fair to blame my slight aversion on the fact that I haven’t celebrated the holiday with someone since the 5^th grade. My ‘boyfriend’ gave me a bottle of Sprecher Root Beer and a Disney’s “Arisotcats” Valentine that said “You are Purrrfect!” How romantic. Unfortunately for him, we had to break up because another boy gave me a 12-pack of Gelly Roll pens. My life used to be very complex.

However, put quite simply: I dislike the day because I hate PDA more than anything in the world. Just because it’s Valentine’s Day does not make these treacherous acts acceptable. I’m not sure who signed the bill permitting all couples to excessively suck face in public places, but whoever you are: you had a severe lapse in judgment and should be punished.

Note: Contrary to popular belief, I do not dislike the day because I do not have a boyfriend. Believe me, self-absorption and diva attitudes prevent this. Try it out.

In spite of this, I also dislike the people who inordinately resent the day. Although I do not partake in the celebration, I do not obsess over the dreadful aspects of the holiday. For example: spending it alone (gasp!). àTelling the world you are spending the day over-indulging in sweets and trashy soap operas (do people ACTUALLY do that? Or are you being over-dramatic?) is always TMI and never worth our time. Excessive “Cheers to being Single!” are lame and usually superficial. I see right through you. We know you don't reeeaaalllllyyy want to be single. Putting so much effort into hating the day probably emphasizes your depression, and just reminds you even further that you have no one to text your banal thoughts and worthless smiley faces to. Let the day come and go; you will damage your swag if you don’t.

Regardless, I find February 14^th to be one of the most interesting days of the year. Due to my internet addiction I find that refreshing my facebook and twitter accounts on this day has never been more fascinating. I have never seen more exclamation points and hearts in my e.n.t.i.r.e. life.  And this is why I love the holiday. The ridiculousness of the human race really came through today. 1 point for you guys!

Some of my favorite updates thus far have been:

1.     Happy Valentine’s Day to my boyfriend!!!!! I LOVE YOU <3 <3!!!–via facebook stalking I have come to the conclusion that this couple has been together for 3 whole days. #toosoon? #gobacktomiddleschool.

2.     LuV mA baBy-daddy Jerrae!! HappEe V-dAy <3 <3 Can’T wAiT foR mY CaRd oF money and SpArK-LEE JeWelS!!!!!! LoL!!! –From an outsider’s perspective, there are no words. Except: I am just happy that these teen parents are apparently together!

3.     Playing drinking games to The Bachelor tonight, my ideal Valentines Day!!—I like this person.

4.     Boycotting Valentine’s Day with my girls!!!!! Sushi, chocolate and wine!!!! A perfect way to spend the night!!!—total sorority move. Can’t say I haven’t.

5.     Stuffing my face with pizza and chocolate this valentine’s day. Go me.—number 1: gross, number 2: gross.

Although I realize I’ve been known to over share and post useless status updates, for the well being of the world and my own sanity, I feel the need to reiterate these epic/life-changing messages

Keep them coming world! I think my love-hate relationship with the holiday is perfect. I couldn’t have possibly wished for anything else this Valentine’s Day. Except maybe Yurman earrings….

But I know that I cannot change the world with one blog post, and to be honest: life is more fun this way. So, continue on doing…whatever you’re doing. To those of you looking forward to your Tornado Room dinner, bouquet of roses and Tiffany’s bracelet—enjoy it. To those of you stuffing Topper’s stix into your overindulgent jaws, I’m thoroughly disgusted, but Cheers to Being Single!! (especially for my Sushi-Girls!) And to those of you who are indifferent: tomorrow is February 15^th. Live it up.

Of course, my siblings will hate me after reading this, because all 3 of them probably have plans with their significant others frolicking through flowerbeds or feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries with their toes. Ew, why did I say that? But yes, you did the math correctly…I am the only Warner child without a Valentine today. This reinforces my Warner family outsider qualities and potentially institutes a permanent ‘cat lady’ nickname. I will dutifully accept.

One more thing: there is nothing wrong with sending yourself a bouquet of red roses on Valentine’s Day,

Mals

PS Happy Valentine’s Day!

i can do good all by myself.

If you haven’t been following my facebook/twitter bombardments and unnecessarily excessive status updates, I will inform you now: I PASSED MY EXAMS.

If you have ever had the feeling of something looming over your head for a long time (in my case 4 months), you can empathize the pain that I went through the past month. On January 7^th, I returned to Italy from a 3 week vacation in Milwaukee, Elkhart, Chicago and of course L.A. (Go Badgers!) (one day I will get around to a blog post about my adventures back in America…however, today is not that day)….

I allowed myself a few “fun” days upon my return, which included going out, venturing to Venice, watching movies and going to Madrid. However, my 12 credit (6 credits in American terms) class: Italian Literature, constantly acted as the devil on my shoulder. Every time I went for a run, watched a movie or drank a gin and tonic (or 2) I felt guilty and sick to my stomach. There was so much to learn, and so little time. On top of all of this, I had to write a 10 page paper, in Italian on the most complicated book ever: The Inferno. It was only assigned in October! TALK ABOUT NO TIME WHATSOEVER. Bhaha.

Like I’ve explained before, the Italian school system is (for lack of a better word) bizarre. School starts mid October (every course starts on a different day depending on which major you are). You endure 60 hours worth of psychobabble from the monotone Italian professor, who usually doesn’t make sense to us gringo students. Then you have about a months worth of “reading period” to prepare yourself for your oral exam. A 15-30 minute meeting with your professor who can ask you whatever he wants. And give you whatever grade he wants. Terrifying. The only redeeming feature to the Italian education system is that you have 3 chances to take the exam. If you don’t like your grade your first or second time, you can take it a third and final time. But, I wanted and needed to get it over with…

So after minimal* procrastination, lots of pasta, pizza and “oh, it’s only Wednesday we can watch Black Swan (Blood Diamond, Avatar, Blue Valentine….etc..)” I found myself sitting in front of Professore Andrea Battistini, Monday morning at 9am. (Well not before Ellen and I went to the wrong building, even though we had been to the professor’s office numerous times before…Nerves). My body was violently shaking and palms profusely sweating. Gross. The first movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony played, on repeat...the whole time. 

First, he walked me through my paper that I had handed in 2 weeks prior. He corrected my language errors and told me the paper was mostly my “fantasia” and that I had invented most of my arguments. But what was he supposed to expect from the biggest BS’er WFBHS Class of 2008?? So, that was fun. I was going to fail for sure.

Then we talked about each of the books we had to readà Il Principe by Machiavelli, Il Piacere by D’Annunzio, Senilità and Coscienza di Zeno by Svevo. He asked me broad questions and he asked me specific questions ranging from themes, to characters, to dates and even clothing characters wore.

I stumbled a bit when he asked me to talk a little about Gabriele D’Annunzio and why he wrote Il Piacere. I did not study this author; apparently the only thing I could remember about him was that he was a fascist and supported many ideas of Mussolini…so I frantically (with great failure) mumbled about fascism, a topic that I cannot say I am very knowledgeable about. The teacher responded, “Ummmm…okay, well that has nothing to do with anything”. So, yeah, that was awkward. But I redeemed myself with a few strokes of brilliance. Obviously.

Naturally, there were things that I didn’t know, words I butchered and sentences I constructed that made absolutely no sense. But for the most part, I answered every question with some sort of confidence and fluidity which somehow managed to impress the professor enough to earn myself a 27 out of 30: an AB in Madison terms. For all Badgers, you all know how frustrating of a grade an AB is, but for once in my life I have never been more grateful to receive it.

Happily, I bounded out the door, rejoicing that I will never have to take on Dante or Machiavelli again. This class also completed my Italian major! What I will do with this Italian major…I do not know.

Still in search for a useful major (I am a second semester Junior.),

Mal

Before the exam. Thinking the building was closed. No...we just went to the wrong place. Gringos.

The doors to our exam. We may not come out alive.

Apparently this is my "I JUST PASSED AN EXAM" smile.

celebratory cappuccinos. Totes Italian.

Somedays You Are The Jet Engine....and Some You Are The Pigeon.

Looking her Best: Maried.

Imagine if pigeons were the humans of the world. Pigeon apartments. Pigeon trains. Pigeon sized things. Inversely, what if humans were the pigeons of the world? One could argue that we already are. 

-Words of wisdom by Maried Rivera.

Think about it.

Anyway, Italy is a land crawling with these magnificent feathered creatures. However, Italy’s pigeons are unlike the rest of the world’s pigeons. Your typical pigeon is gray-blue toned, has 2 legs, 2 wings, feathers, 2 eyes and a beak.  If a human walks by, a normal pigeon will timidly fly away.

The same criteria does not apply for Italian pigeons. Full-grown feathers? No, singed off feathers is the Italian pigeon style. 2 eyes? Uncommon. I guess a pecked out eyeball makes life more thrilling. 2 legs? Rare. Who needs two legs when you can fly? Afraid of humans? Never. We are the ones constantly dodging the mid-flight creatures, which certainly sprinkles some adventure on your morning walk to class.  

I think they become this way because instead of feeding them breadcrumbs like normal human beings would, Italians feed them McDonalds French fries and cigarette butts. An optimal diet for pigeons, they believe. Needless to say, it is always a joy to sit peacefully in a piazza surrounded by hundreds of these disease infested scoundrel birds. I feel clean here… always.

But I call myself lucky. Apparently, I hit the jackpot with my apartment. And by jackpot, I’m speaking in pigeon terms. Aka: Best Location for Pigeon Families! Yipee. I call them my neighbors. Every night I am cooed to sleep by these birds (easily 50 of them) that have declared settlement right outside my window. It is not unusual for me to turn over in bed and say good morning to the pigeon perched on my windowsill, literally 4 inches from my face. Sometimes, but only on the weekends and occasionally Tuesday nights, they get a little rowdy. I have to bang on my wall a few times to keep the racket down…they usually comply.

I must share my favorite pigeon story thus far. It was a warm Bolognese day in October and I decided to open my large window to let fresh air in. One particular pigeon must have thought that my open window was an invitation to join me for lunch. With no hesitation he swooped into my room, fluttered around and looked for a place to sit. It was either my loud scream or sudden flailing of the arms that must have frightened him, luckily giving him the message that he was unwelcome. I have never opened my window since.

And then I killed the bird.

Mallory: 1, Pigeon: 0

Note: I didn’t actually kill the pigeon. A PETA call would be unnecessary, although I highly doubt Italy has an equivalent organization. 

With Love,

Mals

New Layout

Like my new layout? Dig it. Still working on it. I feel like this one encapsulates a little more of my personality. The other made me look like a depressed, alcoholic, divorcée. I'll try to fix the fonts and make it more legible, but I am making great lifetime/future strides so I have no time. Deal with it for now. Thanks!

Without cool shoes, Life Sucks.

Many of you know my obsession with shoes, preferably sneakers and boots (but every single girl abroad is obsessed with boots. not kidding, check out their blogs or webshots. I mean facebook photos, who uses webshots anymore?)


When I have money, I buy shoes. When I don't have money, I buy shoes. Why? Shoes look good...always. A shoe purchase is more therapeutic than chocolate, and way less cals. Like all Italians, I have yearned for this pair of ubiquitous Nike Blazer Hi's since I stepped foot in Bologna. Since they seem to be found on everyone and their cat's feet, I figured acquiring these kicks would be effortless. However, locating a pair has proven to be a virtually impossible task.  Out of the 7,684 unnecessary shoe stores in Bologna (and other European cities I have ransacked), no one seems to carry the most classic Nike shoe made. Preposterous. I have now made it my purpose in life to get my gringo hands on this pair of shoes that will essentially assimilate me into Italian culture. Next step: dye my hair black.

I promise to continue the hunt until I am victorious.

If you know where I can locate a pair, please tell me. Help me fill my void.


Mals

I Love You Xabi, Spanish Comes Naturally.

If you grew up in the Warner household you’d know lateness is an accepted aspect of our lives. A 6:30 dinner plan means a 7:30 arrival, Church at 4:30 means strolling in at 4:45 usually with a few glares and stares and occasionally a “Welcome Warner Family!” from the pastor. We have no different of an outlook when traveling. Leaving Whitefish Bay at 3:30 for a 4:25 flight overseas is acceptable; we’ve never missed a flight. Whoever said that you need to be at the airport 2 hours ahead of time needs to write a letter of apology to the rest of the world for all wasted time waiting around in airports. Plus a little stress and cardio vascular exercise in airports is good for the heart.

….Our flight to Madrid was scheduled for 9:20am Saturday morning. At first, my obsessive compulsive friends, Ellen and Maried, wanted to catch a cab at 7am. It takes 15 minutes to get there. If my math is correct that would get us to BLQ 2 hours and 5 minutes prior to departure . (About an hour and a half earlier than needed.) So I begged, pled, said things I didn’t mean until we finally made a compromise: 7:30. Fine, I could live with that.

The night before our flight, I had 3 (AMERICAN-MADISON) boys staying at my apartment. Because my irresponsible self thinks nothing through, I truly believed we could go out, show them a good time AND be in bed by 1 in order to wake up for our flight the following day. One thing led to another, Cafettino saw that we had a good time, 1 a.m. came and past, and finally at 4am the semi-responsible Paul Abu-Taleb dragged all of us home. Thank you ABUuuu.

After snoozing my alarm clock and ignoring Ellen’s calls for about a full hour, I leapt out of bed at 7:45, threw clothes into my backpack, brushed my teeth and bounded downstairs—leaving the 3 gringos in my room to slumber some more. Getting into the cab at 8:10 cut it close even for me, but I was the most relaxed out of the group. Every 3 seconds Maried was fervently checking the time on her nugget phone and Ellen was making a game plan that involved us sprinting through the airport, skipping all of our fellow passengers in the security line and begging the stewards to reopen the plane for us. Unnecessary wastes of energy. After running through the completely vacant security maze (annoying, but cal burning) we made it safe and sound onto the plastic airplane.

To conclude this obnoxious tangent and get onto my Madrid vacation, I would just like to reiterate the fact that YOU DO NOT NEED TO GET TO AIRPORTS 2 HOURS AHEAD OF TIME. 20 minutes is just fine. Keep life’s pace up, you’ll live longer.

3 highlights of the flight:

1.     Old Italian woman yelling at the flight attendants for knowing only English and Spanish and not Italian. Old women run this country.

2.     Passing out for the entirety of the 2 hour flight.

3.     Waking up only to tell Ellen how “turbulency” the flight was and how I thought I we were going to die.

We didn’t.

Upon arrival in Madrid, Maried gave us a safety speech informing us to always keep our belongings in sight and look out for one another. Puerto Ricans can be very paranoid. Every time we rode the metro Maried would pick out the person who looked most like a gypsy or thief and stare them down for the whole ride. Not rude, uncomfortable or racist at all. For the most part we were successful. I, however, was pick pocketed.  But sometimes I can be smart and hide my expensive things in the secret trap doors of my purse. So my loving gypsy thief only got my pack of stride gum. SUCKA.

Santiago Bernabeu

In Madrid, we did Madridy things. I found it necessary to constantly yell the random things I knew in Spanish like:“La cuenta por favor!” or “Buenos Dias” even when it wasn’t morning and “Tu gato es feo”.  (Thank you Seniorita B. at WFBHS for teaching me, I definitely remember more than I thought I did!) I worked very hard on the Spanish lisp that I may or may not have developed one in my own English speaking.

 We walked around everywhere, getting our bearings of the huge city. Let me rephrase: Maried and Ellen got their bearings; my wonderful sense of direction kept me dazed and confused the entire time.  I let the two of them navigate while I scoured the town for attractive Spaniards and practiced my Español.

We trekked down Paseo de la Castellana, in order to get to Real Madrid’s stadium, Santiago Bernabeu, to pick up our tickets. The walk was beautiful, however I was a little side tracked, concentrating only on my shivering body because of Madrid’s sub arctic temperatures. Apparently Spain is not immune to the cold; tan attractive Spanish men have led me to believe otherwise. Or maybe I should have forgone my Posh Spice Diva outfit and actually worn clothes for January’s temperature. Not sure where I went wrong.

One of the nights we went out for Tapas and Sangria. I’ve never liked Sangria because it’s too sweet…but there is something about drinking it… in Spain… with two of your best friends that makes it extremely enjoyable. Then we retreated to our hostel to pamper and shove our feet into 6 inch heels before going out to Kapital, Madrid’s famous 7-story club.

Our Arrival Time: 2:00 am

Arrival Time of the Cool Kids: 4:00am

I’ve never been the loser that’s the first to a party or dance…but I’ve now been the loser that’s been the first to the club. I’m okay with this. After dancing for a few hours, meeting some painfully awkward Portugese/Brazillian guys (whom Maried loathed) and getting attacked by a sub zero tempurature vaporizer (see video) we decided to call it a night (or morning) and walked home. Highlight of my trip: taking off my heels at the end of this night.

Plaza Mayor

Later, we did more Madridy things. Ate bocadillos, people watched in Plaza Mayor, ate Burger King, saw the Palace, butchered more Español, and of course went to the Real Madrid vs. Mallorca game. The game was a lot different than I expected. Spainish fans are relatively calm and very respectful unlike the chauvinistic a-holes at Italian soccer games. Overall, my Real Madrid experience was enjoyable and I wouldn’t be upset if I married a man on the Real Madrid team, just saying. We celebrated Madrid’s victory by indulging in Paella, Chorizo and of course, more Sangria. (I then received about a million texts from my sconnies at home that the Packers won! SUPER BOWL!!) aka, more celebration with Sangria.

Our last day was spent eating Bob Warner style. We went to Mercado San Miguel (similar to the Public Market in Milwaukee) found a table, got a glass of wine and then sampled as many stations as we could. We had croquetas, crostinis, potatoes with hot sauce, bacalao (cod) and many more Spanish delicacies, which unfortunately included the worst piece of cake I’ve ever eaten in my life.

We managed to fit in Parque del Ritiro, which is one of the more beautiful parks I’ve ever seen. Then realized our flight leaves in about an hour and we should probably make our way to the airport.

After getting off at the wrong metro stop, sprinting through the airport, me (kindly) screaming at an airport lady, and Ellen screaming at fellow passengers, we made it to our plastic plane and immediately passed out for the duration of the flight. Clearly exhausted from all the fun we had in Madrid. (Or, 3 mile long sprint through the airport).

Me and Ellen in front of Real Madrid's Stadium

Hala Madrid!

Warming up!

Paella!

Plaza Mayor

Ellen and I in Sol

The Palace 

Tapas!

Sangria!

Getting murdered by the vaporizer. Apparently Spaniards think this is "fun".

All of us in the park

I loved my Madrid vacation, but what I loved even more was spending time with my two best friends. Can't wait for our next trip!

Things I wanted to accomplish in Spain…but failed:

1.     Find a Spanish-futbol-playing boyfriend

            2.     Marry this Spanish-futbol-playing boyfriend

....Well, I guess I’ll have to go back.

Mal

PS: thanks to gypsy, I am all out of American  Gum…(stride light or dark blue is my favorite.)

Please Send to:

Mallory Warner

c/o Indiana University-BCSP

Via Malcontenti 3

40121 Bologna-Italia

oh, and don’t buy mailing insurance.

Hasta luego Madrid!

Special Guest: Police and KATY PERRY!

I am a real blogger. I have a special guest!!!!......

Hello blog world!

This is Katie Tesensky, one of mal's oldest and best friends. I'm sure you are wondering why I am writing on her blog, I mean I'm not living in Bologna. But I was fortunate enough to visit Mal over my Christmas break. Our friendship dates back 12 years where we first met at first stage. Both of us can still remember everything about the first day we met-- Mal was in purple leggings (a trendy 3rd grader), I was in shorts, both wearing our grey First Stage Theater Acadamy t-shirts (Yes, yes...we were theater nerds. Now do you understand our dramatic stories and gestures?). I guess you could say it was love at first sight haha. I'm not going to bore you with all our old friendship details (because most people can't handle them), but lets just say 2 divs in Italy proved to be a fabulous, divalicious time.

I arrived in bologna on a Friday night around 11 and for those of you who know what I'm talking about, I DID NOT NEED A SEEING EYE DOG (there may have been a slight mistake when booking my flight to Italy, I may have accidentally clicked that I needed special assistance and had a seeing eye dog..WHOOPS!). Mal met me at the gate and made her cab driver wait for us in the parking lot (because she can.) We dropped off my things at her apartment and immediately got dinner, which was of course pizza. Honestly, the best thing I've ever tasted. It was fresh and delicious; I would fly back to Bologna this second to get that pizza. and the best part -- super cheap.

After our lovely meal of pizza in the Piazza due Torri, we hit the bars. First we started off classy with a glass of wine at this little tiny bar with the most beautiful bartender, then we met up with Mal's friends Fabio and Ellen and needless to say, things got rowdy. A few shots, drinks, 3 cannucciatas (basically like fishbowls), and more shots...we were feeling no pain. It was at this point in the night that Fabio started calling me Katy Perry. "Katy Perry you must come to Italy more!!" or "Katy Perry!!! (singing) california girls we're undeniable" were just a few of the phrases Fabio yelled at me that night, he ended up creating a nickname for me the entire trip...I mean I didn't hate it!

At the bar we also got to become pretty good friends with the bartender who we called texas. Apparently he was born in texas and then moved to Italy when he was 4...now that I think about it Mal, he could have been making that entire story up. Anyway, it ended up being a very fun evening/early morning and a great way to start off my trip. The next few days we shopped, dined, and lived like the Italians. It was amazing. I had a blast meeting all Mal's new friends, they were so welcoming and tried their best to speak english with me. One of Mal's friends, Augusto was very good about speaking English with me, but he said "Katy Perry you MUST learn Italian" we'll see about that ;)

I stayed in Bologna for 5 days, 4 nights and was able to get to Venice on the Monday I was there. Although it was a little rainy, it was still amazing. It's incredible to see a city built entirely around water...so fab. After taking the train from Bologna to Venice we saw the sights and of course got lost. We ended up finding this little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that was to die. After some wine and pasta we hit the streets again. We may or may not have split a bottle of wine on a bench by the Rialto Bridge..I guess you'll never know.

After seeing some sights we proceeded to get SO lost and really having to go to the bathroom we (Mal) decided it would be a good idea to walk into some swanky hotel and ask to use their bathroom, which did not happen. After the lies in Italian and then English, I pretty sure the front desk guy knew we weren't staying there..it got really awkward after that so Mal and I just left, still having to use the bathroom and still very much lost. I don't know how we did it but we managed to find a bathroom and make the train back to Bologna. THANK GOD. It was a long, yet very fun day.

Overall my time in Italy was incredible, not only was I seeing the country with a fluent speaker (yeah you are pretty much fluent Mal, get over it) but I got to see it with my best friend, I couldn't have asked for a better trip. Mal was a great host and her friends were way too much fun. It was a great way to start off 2011...seeing Italy with your bestie...doesn't get much better than that :)

love ya Malsey xo

-Katy Perry

*So my friends are obsessed with saying Special Guest: ___insert guest's name__. One night that Katie was in Bologna with us, the Cops came and interrupted our gathering. So naturally the phrase "Special Guest: Police" became one of the many go-to phrases in our vernacular. Also: ACBC. (All Cops are Bad Cops) Learn it. Love it.

I turn 20 and a half tomorrow.

Mally

Texan Friend.
We Loved Him.
KT enjoying her first REAL Italian Gelato!
Neptune's Fountain in Bologna!
In VENICE!

I needed to add this picture. Lookin good Enrico.





Rain Boots: A necessity in Venice.
Those glasses don't have lenses. (Katie, Fabio and Me)
Panah (Alessandro) and Fa

A pensive Fa and modelesque Enrico

2 shirts buttoned together. Nice Augusto.

Me and Ellen

Me and Katie and our Texan friend at Caffetino.
Ellen, Me, Katie and Fabio enjoying our first cannucciata of the night.